once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
