The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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