On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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