Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
