Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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