I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
