So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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