The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
