I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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