Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
