Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
