She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
