We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
