i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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