Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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