He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
