If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
