I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
