my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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