you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never joke about your clitoris.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
