you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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