I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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