ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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