if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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