Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
