I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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