Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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