STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
