It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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