i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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