WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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