You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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