I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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