i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
