Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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