That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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