dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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