she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
