They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
