Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
