I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
