I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
