Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
