a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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