just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
