What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
