those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
