I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
