I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
