i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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