You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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